Friday, January 28, 2005

Protesters were right! Torture!!!

Thanks to LGF, I have been enlightened about the terrible torture tactics used by our government. According to that oh-so-reliable sourceAl Jazeera (and no doubt soon to be picked up by NPR, CBS and CNN):A new report has emerged that female interrogators were used to try and break Muslim detainees held at the prison camp Guantanamo Bay. Methods used by the female interrogators included sexual touching, wearing a miniskirt with thong underwear and in one particular case smearing the face of a Saudi detainee with fake menstrual blood.

I am shocked! This news can only lead to an increased jihad as word gets out:

Hey Habi, are you coming with me to fight the infidels in Iraq and Afghanistan?
Oh, I don't know, Mohammad. I have 15 kids to provide for. What is in it for me?
Well, Habi, you get the thrill of killing kfuri, earning you great rewards and plunder. And if you die, 70 girls, eternally virgins, await your pleasure...
And if I am captured? I hear they torture us, chop off our hands and cut out our tongues, and sometimes cut off our heads?
No, Habi, that was the Taliban and Saddam that did that. The Americans feed you ethnically and religiously correct food, clothe you well, make sure you pray 5 times a day, give you a lawyer to help you swiftly return to jihad, and, while you are waiting, they pay for lap dances to make sure you never get bored.
Oh, well, what the hell, Mohammed. I have been pretty bored here with my first three wives, and this seems like a win-win-win situation for me! Lets go get us some infidels! Allah Akbar! Death to kfuri!

No comments: