Tuesday, July 13, 2004

fractured news...where I practice writing for the NYT

Sometimes you see something on the wires that makes you sat Hmm....

AP PITTSBURGH — Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry is taking a two-day break from campaigning and will spend the time at his wife's country estate preparing for his party's national convention next month.

Sen. Kerry claims that he needs the rest to 'prepare', but an aide to Sen. Kerry, speaking on condition of anonymity, admitted that he was also doing it to help sagging poll numbers.

"We have noticed an interesting inverse correlation between 'face time' with the American people and how J.K. polls in the days following. To be quite honest, we are trying to figure out a way to let him take a 'vacation' until 2 November," said the close confidant. "He does have several large houses to look after, so we are pursuing the possibility of 'home improvement leave', something that J.K. believes is the right of every American worker, and will make his number one priority on being elected. It will be right up there with all his other number one priorities like health care, the economy, education, the war on terror, Iraq, forest fires, France, Social Security, global warming and warning labels on sheer evening gowns."

Another aide admitted that the campaign is looking to use the issue of silence to challenge the President. "We think we have a chance to take the moral high ground, by challenging the President to also take a week or two off—show the American people that relaxation and solitude is a better way to govern than jetting around, shaking hands and kissing babies. After all, hands and babies, especially those belonging to the unwashed masses, carry germs, and germs are Sen. Kerry's number one priority."

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